Dear World
by Formerly JVM-SP150
Summary: "You all wanted me out of your lives. Now I am." The suicide note of Wendy Testaburger . Style (Stan/Kyle) *Repost, minor revisions*


_Author's Note: _Considered by everyone I've spoken to my best work... so here it is, back on FFnet after a little over a year of being offline. Hope people still enjoy it.

_**Dear World,**_

If you're reading this, I'm dead. And you're all pretending to be sad. And that's exactly why I'm doing this.

It's human nature to feel guilt and sadness in the death of another - but it doesn't have a thing to do with the fact _I'm_ dead. It has far more to do with the concept of death than with me. You were never concerned with me in life, but because you know now that you were indirectly responsible for what has happened to me you feel guilty. You're going to focus on all the good things I did and act like I was a Saint. You'll go on the news and tell everyone what a bright future I had, what a good kid I was, how none of you saw this coming. And yet if I was alive, you'd think exactly what you did before, and you wouldn't give two shits if I lived or died. Until I died. And now you're all sitting there reading this note and pretending you don't know why this happened.

I've been contemplating this for a long time, actually. Sure back in the third grade everyone knew me - I was outspoken, political and I had a bright future ahead of me. I knew what I wanted to be and what I wanted to become - I studied hard, kept an active social life, had a great boyfriend, and all in all, I was happy. Everything was perfect, save the frequent destruction of the town and loss of friends and family occasionally. But everything changed for me in Junior High. Suddenly I changed. My friendships changed. My relationships changed. It was as if everyone I knew became a completely different person. There was some kind of massive shift I didn't understand at the time, and my life was turned on it's head.

You all looked at me and called me a possessive bitch. I was a stupid self-centered prima donna slutty drama queen bitch. Once the most popular girl in school, and suddenly I was nothing, worthless. If I took pride in my hair or body or looks at all, I was being a self-obsessive prima donna. If I didn't and acted modest or doubted myself, I was a compliment-seeking attention whore. If I ate any food, I was a filthy fat pig, but if I didn't eat at all, I was a shallow anorexic whore. If I tried to talk to people, I wasn't giving anyone else a chance to speak. If I was quiet and kept to myself, I was letting everyone do the work for me and expecting too much of others. All because I was preventing _them_ from being together. The town's "golden couple" - the two everyone _knew_ would hook up from day one. Except me, apparently.

There was nobody for me to confide in at all. My parents didn't even seem to understand if I had problems. I had lost my childhood love forever and to even consider asking for him back - hell, to talk to him - would only solidify what everyone had told me. I didn't deserve him. I was a worthless attention whore who only cared about her looks and her love life. Who always argued for sake of arguing. Who was a _know-it-all douchebag_, yet knew absolutely nothing about anything. It was venomous, and as my friends disappeared, I had no way to deal with things. I didn't do well in creative out lets without inspiration, I couldn't handle the political debates anymore - everything went to crap and kept sinking lower and lower.

I have a few last words for some choice people:

_Mom & Dad: _

I love you guys. I really do. Don't for a minute doubt yourselves - this was well beyond your control. You two were great parents and I know you tried your best to help, but there was only so much the two of you could do. You two had a natural popularity as kids, and your jobs kept you so busy most of the day. I love you both and I know you tried as hard as you could but you can't fix the rest of the world. I love both of you so much and the hardest thing about this is imagining your reactions. Please move on...

_Butters: _

I never really got to know you, but you always said "hi" in the hallway. It probably was nothing to you, but it was everything to me. It was nice to know _someone _noticed me. You were always just a really nice person. Please don't ever change.

_Kenny: _

I know you probably think I hated you but believe me, Kenny, that wasn't possible. Every little compliment you gave me made my heart flutter just to know someone found me attractive. Sexist as it was, "nice tits" genuinely could make my day sometimes. You were one of the last people who seemed to have any respect for me. Until finally in freshman year you told me you couldn't talk to someone who made your best friends miserable. I'm sorry.

_Eric Cartman: _

The only boy who ever told me you loved me - and it was you. It was Eric Theodore Cartman, the fat, racist, foul-mouthed, self-centered psychotic sociopath. The boy who has attempted to begin genocide and world domination. The boy who came out of the closet and said "Wendy doesn't count." I should have reciprocated your feelings but I couldn't. You were... you. Then they told me we should get together because we were the most hated kids in school. And then the day you won the big hockey game and surpassed me in popularity and laughed about it. I guess it's true when they say... people do change. I'm sorry I didn't love you back, Eric. Maybe I'm just a bitch for not accepting a sociopath's romance. When you piss on my grave, don't aim for the flowers, please.

_Bebe: _

I miss you so much. We used to be best friends. Then between Junior High and High School we stopped talking. I'd invite you over but you didn't seem to care about anything. Suddenly you didn't want to talk about shoes or politics or animals or even boys. We had nothing in common anymore. When I said "hi" to you, you stopped answering back. The next thing I knew I'd lost my best friend for good. Maybe we weren't the people we thought we were anymore. Maybe we both just grew up and apart. I guess we'll never know. I hope your new friends are better than I was.

_Heidi: _

Words hurt. You're nothing but a selfish, back-stabbing bitch. You pretended to be my friend and then told everyone my every last secret, and made it worse by lying and throwing in whatever 'misdeed' you saw fit. You told them what I did to that old substitute teacher, and about the girls on Facebook I freaked out over as a little girl. You made me feel like everything they said about me was right. Every time you called me a bitch, or a ditz, or a whore, the words sliced through my skin, and I couldn't trust anybody ever again. I have no apologies for you. I just hope you're happy with yourself.

_Kyle: _

I want to hate you. But somehow I can't. We're too alike. I can see myself in you. You have brown eyes, you're smart, you know politics, you have morals, you're quick-to-anger... we have so much in common, I _can't_ hate you. You're fiery and independent and at one point, we were very similar people... but you kept your independence, your temper and you remain outspoken. I became the shy psycho bitch nobody liked. You blossomed into a popular, handsome young man and then you came out of the closet and became a school-wide sensation. Then news came you had a crush on my boyfriend. I shrugged it off - it seemed like such a silly rumor. But I was in the way of your relationship and none of you would have that. And then everything just blew up in my ignorant face. I'm sorry, Kyle. I'm sorry I prevented you two from being happy. I hope you both have a wonderful life together.

_Stan:_

I still love you. Always and forever. Nothing can change that, no matter how many times I sit here and tell myself how fucking stupid I am for it, no matter how much I try to ignore it, move on and forget you. No matter how what happens, I'll never forget you, or the first time I saw your face. I thought our love was written in the stars, yet the world conspired to tear us apart. Every moment I was with you, nothing mattered but us and everything was peaceful. I never expected things to end the way they did. I never expected you to come to my house and accuse me of going behind your back and trying to keep you from seeing Kyle because I was 'homophobic'. I never expected you to say Kyle had told you "everything" about Ms. Ellen and Facebook and the fake boobs. I never expected you to run off with Kyle and decide never to speak to me again. I should have seen it coming. Every moment we spent together was Kyle this, Kyle that. Or the fact you constantly puked on me. I know I wasn't the perfect girlfriend - no one could be. But somehow, I still thought we'd be together forever, like a stupid little girl caught up in her fairy tale princess fantasy.

And I think of all the times you and Kyle and Eric were off on adventures without me, and how close you guys were. And how every time I seemed to get involved, Kyle seemed to be so upset. And then suddenly it made sense - to everyone. You and Kyle loved each other. Suddenly everyone was convinced I was a militant homophobic feminist bitch who hated all men and wouldn't let you be with other girls, all because of a few things that happened in the third and fourth grade. Of course I was a little jealous - I thought all girls got a little jealous. I thought, What kind of girl wouldn't be jealous seeing their man with another girl? But I guess I was wrong. I guess I was living in a fantasy world of my own creation, no better than the psychopath I saw myself as better than. I wish I could go back and stop myself from doing those things. I wish I could change the past.

_I didn't know you loved Kyle._ How could I? I thought you loved _me_. You_ told_ me you loved me. I thought we'd been through so much together in all our lives that we would be it - but then again, you and Kyle were through so much more. I was blind to your pain and I'm sorry for that. When we had our little break-ups I shouldn't have taken you back. I shouldn't have been selfish and I should have let you be with Kyle. I didn't want to prevent you from being happy, Stan. I never ever meant to prevent you from being happy. Now you and Kyle won't have to worry about me though. Now I'll just be a distant memory, that dumb cunt who dated you for eight years. I hope you and Kyle have an amazing future together, I honestly do...

I guess that's it.

I'm sorry for everything. I guess now I'm going to go take dad's old pistol out of his bedroom drawer. Chances are high you'll all be seeing this letter in about an hour, assuming my parents come home from work, then call everyone, assuming you all arrive on time. Cheers.

You all wanted me out of your lives. Now I am.

_Sincerely,_

_Gwendolyn "Wendy" Marie Testaburger_

_Author's Note: _I hope this changes a few people's minds when they look at Wendy, but I'm sure most people will dismiss it as garbage. Hell, maybe it_ is_ garbage, I wrote this three or four years ago - but as I said earlier, a lot of people tell me this is my best work, so here you go.


End file.
